I am proud to say that I am on the Eat Whatever The Hell I Want diet.
You should try it.
And while I care about what goes into this body, you’d assume I’d be easily influenced by everybody. Maybe.
Now don’t think this is the cure-all for your cravings.
If you were to eat everything… Well, there goes your savings.
I’m talking about consuming everything that your heart may choose.
Don’t refuse. Step into these shoes.
I give you permission – After all, you’ve already bowed into submission.
But before I continue to preach, and begin to overreach, let me tell you of things I could teach…
Well, if a third world country were to try to fix our problems, what would they see?
Health updates in the news broadcasting: Obesity.
Do we fit any of the criteria? America, is it my fault that all you stock on my grocery store shelves are plastic bags packed with high fructose corn syrup? Red 40? An ode to the abundant Pop Tarts and countless flavors of potato chips.
I’m sorry fresh food from small, local farmers. I can’t afford to individually choose the vine-ripe tomatoes, the free-to-flee chicken’s eggs (void of any mysterious feed), the newly baked loaves of wheat, the silky scoops of organic ice cream.
Overconsumption. Larger portions, more portions. May I have another serving? Pass the plate this way. The additives you’ve included to put me in a better mood. Might as well have been a drug.
And all of this Pollution we’ve created… Wasted resources poured into the shallows and the deep, blocking out the light.
So even though it’s daytime, dear Marine Life, you might as well say goodnight.
Disease trends. Fast-food intake on a regular basis. Increased tolerance to be able to stomach this. Until it’s too late…
Okay, I am a little ashamed that I am on the Yes I Am Eating This Dangerously Caloric Dessert, But I Don’t Care ‘Cause I Work It Out diet. You been to the gym yet? You should try it.