the year of lyrics: a poetry project

my search for inner-peace, one poem at a time

Day 8 – Dear Blank

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Dear ______,

Hey there, how’s it going? I’ve been wondering about you. I’m writing because I wanted to let you know that I’m new. You get it? I’m different, I’m a whole different me. I’m as different and changed, from what I can see. I thought I was stuck, in that stagnant and dreaded place. But now I realize something different: that I’m in a new race. I’ve changed course, I’ve altered and rearranged the trail. I’ve decided to venture out, and I don’t care if I fail. I’ll continue to move forward, I’ll never look back. But please know that you’ve helped me and I am thankful for that. All these months, days and hours, I’ll be honest: I wept. I was troubled by nightmares each night when I slept. Sometimes I wouldn’t sleep, I’d lay there awake. And my heart would pound, my whole being would quake. I’d fight off my sobs, chase off painful tears; I’d wrap my mind in guilt, and be surrounded by fears. But I want you to know, that with each vicious wave, I have learned to be better, and my love I did save. I thought that I lost it: “did it really disappear?” Then I stopped one fine day, and I looked in the mirror. I realized it never left, I just forgot it was there. I remembered that love was a burden I could bear. I’m not afraid or scared now, I’m willing to try. I’ll put myself out there, and maybe find me a guy. This guy of mine, will be patient and kind; and I won’t go searching, he’s not easy to find. I don’t know if he’ll be you, or if he’ll be a surprise. And I hope that these words don’t bring tears to your eyes. But I know that whoever he is, he’ll be better for me. ‘Cos now I see that I’m worth it, hey, don’t you agree? I know that I’ll love him, with all of my heart. But this time I won’t let love tear me apart. This time I know, to remember that I’m there. This time I know, love is never fair. This time I know, to welcome the pain. This time I know, love can make you insane. This time I know, to put myself first. This time I know, my heart is not cursed. See, this time I know to stay balanced and real. Maybe this time it won’t take as long to heal. You used to tell me that you were my first love. And that the heartache that’d follow would be very rough. I didn’t believe you, but today I understand: love can escape you, like a fistful of sand. Grasp it too tight, and it will fall through your fingers. Loosen too much, only some grains will linger. So thank you, really, thank you, for all that you’ve done. But I’ve gotta catch up with my life, ‘cos it’s already begun.

Yours truly

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